Love Knows No Borders: The Essential Role Of A Marriage Visa Attorney

Love Knows No Borders: The Essential Role Of A Marriage Visa Attorney – Do we humans know 5 love languages? What They Are—and How to Use Them February 8, 2021 / Dr. Carol Brusse

Chances are, you have. Because this concept—first developed by counselor and pastor Gary Chapman, developed into a series of books, and adopted by many others—has spread far and wide. The five love languages ​​are five simple ways we want others to express love to us and five simple ways we express love to others.

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I am a relationship researcher, and although I have not done empirical research on the concept of love languages, other academics have. Several published studies have confirmed the effectiveness of love languages, showing that they can increase people’s relationship satisfaction and longevity.

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What I find so useful about love languages ​​is that they express a fundamental truth. Implicit in this concept is a common sense idea: we feel or experience love differently. Some of us feel satisfied only when we hear the words “I love you”, some prefer to spend quality time together, while others feel most cared for when their partner cleans the toilet.

In this sense, love is a bit like the currency of a country: a coin or note has a high value in a particular country, a low value in its neighboring countries, and zero value in many other countries. In relationships, it is important to understand the emotional attitude of those we value, and recognizing their love language is part of that.

No matter what your situation is – whether you live alone, spend 24/7 with a partner or roommate, live with grown children or guide young children through a virtual school – these The five love languages ​​are a very effective set. of tools, a toolkit that you can use in your relationships. When we know what the other person’s love language is, we can choose the gestures that resonate best with our partner, friend, parent or child. When we know what behavior speaks to us and makes us feel loved, we can ask others for what we really need.

Although there are many online quizzes that can tell you what your love language is, it’s easy to find out what yours and your loved one’s love language is by seeing what turns them on and what gifts they give you (because some of us have a lot .) We give gifts to others What we want most) And what would be their ideal day

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Here are five languages ​​and how to implement and adapt to them—even during a pandemic.

Those of us whose love language is words of affirmation will prefer verbal connection. They want to hear from you what you appreciate or admire about them. For example: “I really enjoyed the dinner you made last night”; “Wow, it was very nice of you to have a bonfire nearby”; Or simply “I love you”.

For those in your life that you can’t see in person due to the pandemic, you can shoot a short video and send it to them. My kindergarten granddaughter and I haven’t been together in over 7 months, but we text each other and we have videos where we say — even sing — things we miss most about each other.

For those of you who see a lot of each other these days, remember that even the smallest gestures count. It is my main love language and my husband of 29 years knows it too. I often wake up, go to the kitchen, and find a nice Post-it note on the counter next to a glass of ice water (this is another love language – an act of service).

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Some of us feel most loved when others help us or do something for us. My friend is currently undergoing chemotherapy and radiation, putting her at higher risk for COVID-19 and other infections. Knowing that her love language was an act of service, a group of neighborhood friends sneaked under the cover of a December night to fill the plants in front of her house with holiday flowers and twigs. Others promised to clear his way all winter. (It’s Minnesota, so that’s a lot of love.)

At home, you can be proactive and do some things to make your person’s daily routine easier. Why not do those chores that everyone else avoids doing, whether it’s cleaning the oven, changing the trash can, shoveling snow from the car, or loading and running the dishwasher? For those whose love boxes are filled with people’s input, seeing someone intentionally scan their surroundings to find out what they can do to improve their circumstances sends them a clear and loving message.

Those of us for whom gifts are our love language are not necessarily materialistic. Instead, when someone shows them something specific, tangible or intangible, their tank is filled, which helps them feel special. Yes, it’s true, it’s the thought that counts.

When grocery shopping for your family, grab your partner’s favorite kombucha or soda and leave it on their doorstep. Our daughter—whose love language is gifts—is a junior in college, and we knew she’d love what arrived in the box shortly after: a package with a Valentine’s Day sticker inside. Favorite chocolates, coffee gift cards and framed photos of our family dogs Fred and George. It’s an act of love that will fill her mailbox and her emotional bank account.

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For people for whom quality time is their love language, having another person’s undivided attention is a precious commodity. In the time of COVID-19 and quarantine, spending quality time together can seem difficult. But thanks to technology, it’s actually one of the easiest fields to get into.

Make a conscious effort to have coffee with a co-worker you miss or go for a walk with your in-laws. Put your best friend on your calendar once a week, or schedule an indoor date night with your partner or spouse – no phone calls or “I’ll just turn on the TV for a moment” meditation. is allowed. Nothing says “I love you” like quality time when words are the only thing on your agenda.

The language used to express physical contact can be platonic, like an enthusiastic fist bump when a friend tells you about an interview for your dream job, or a kiss with your partner at the end of the work day. It can be intimate.

I know that for some parents with young children spending too much time in the same small space can really cause friction. They will do whatever they can to stay in touch with fewer people and less time in the day. Meanwhile, people who live alone or self-isolate due to exposure or health risks experience the opposite pain: a lack of connection.

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While there are no easy solutions to any situation, we can be creative. If you know someone who is overwhelmed with little hands getting to them, you can offer to take the kids to the park so they can burn off some energy. For loved ones who can’t touch, try emailing them the outline of your hand and instruct them to place their hand over the image while you imagine your hand on top of theirs. Even the idea of ​​a warm hug — which you can do by sending messages to friends and family with a hug or a hug emoji saying you wish you could do it in person — is similar to an actual hug. As can send some of the same endorphins to their brain. Cuddling session.

In this time of the pandemic and in the world now, love languages ​​are a concept worth mastering. We lived in isolation long before COVID-19 arrived. Loneliness is not just loneliness; It’s about experiencing a lack of satisfying emotional connection. By taking the time to learn and speak each other’s love language, we can strengthen our relationships and connections with others.

Carol Bruce, Ph.D. Carroll Bruce (rhymes with “peace”) is professor emeritus at the University of St. Thomas in Minnesota; Scholar in Residence at St. Norbert College, Wisconsin; And always passionate about learning and improving relationships. She masters emoji, loves to text (something all good kids do), and happily dances in her empty nest (though don’t tell your kids; they’ll think she’s crying). Check out her five books and sewing/design hacks at www.carolbruess.com

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